Not again I have been here before
by atokkota
Summary: The reflections of Remus Lupin after the Battle in the Hall of Mysteries in the Ministry of Magic. A tired man reflects on the loss and pain that his cub was experiencing and would be experiencing. Round 2 of the Quidditch League for the Wigtown Wanderers Chaser 3.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything you recognise. This is for fun only, please don't sue.

Round 2 - Song lyrics:This round is all about interpretation; what you feel your lyrics mean and how you use them to inspire your fics. (Note: lyrics should be used as inspiration only and not directly in the story.)

Please note your lyrics in your A/N. See below the task for your position and read instructions carefully. It could be the matter of your team winning or losing.

**TEAM:** The Wigtown Wanderers

CHASER 3:

"Drink the poison lightly

'Cause there are deeper and darker things than you

I know, 'cause I've been there too."

- I'm Not The One, 3oh!3

_Optional:_

1. _Tiger_

3. _Less than perfect_

4. _Who we were_

* * *

Remus Lupin was one very tired, exhausted werewolf. It was only two nights since the last full moon; and in those days and nights he had been disturbed. He had aches and pains before this evening, but now after a battle in the Ministry of Magic he was here; sitting in the dark watching over the injured children with even more aches and pains. He was bone weary and absolutely exhausted. The four children were all now asleep, safe and sound in the Hogwarts infirmary. These four out of the total six had received injuries that needed treatment and an overnight stay in the domain of Poppy Pomfrey. One child, Neville had been cleaned up and let loose to return to the Gryffindor dormitory. Personally he would have kept the young Longbottom boy in overnight to ensure that he got a decent night sleep, as well as to help contain the rumour mill that Hogwarts was notorious for. It would be at full speed by breakfast. The last of the children had not been seen. Poppy was hopping mad, and Remus himself was concerned that his best friends son, Harry Potter, who should be tucked in here with his friends.

Dumbledore had taken Harry off and out of the Ministry quickly even before the injured had been portkeyed out. Harry had survived the Department of Mysteries, but at a great cost; he lost a loved one. Remus had held onto him to stop him from following Sirius through the veil. He listened to his screams of sorrow when Bellatrix's hex had pushed his Godfather through the thin cloth. At that point Remus too had wanted to howl his pain over the loss of his best friend. He had previously lost Sirius for so many years; he had thought he was alone after the betrayal of James and Lily. At the time he had mourned Peter, the traitor unknowing that he was the cause for all of this pain. He had been angered over the loss and betrayal. Remus had blamed himself, that he had not sensed the lack of honesty with Sirius. He had beaten himself up about the matter for year before falling into a deep depression.

Yes, the dark shadows of sorrow would soon be upon him; he knew that the tiger of misery would plague his cub just as much as he had been plagued in the past. He would again have to battle the depression and darkness that grief brought when you mourn a close friend or family member. Yes, he had been there before himself; drowning in the darkness of grief.

When he remembered all three of his friends when they were in school, the dark sorrow would descend as he remembered how innocent they all were. 'That was who we were then.' He thought to himself. Now another generation was facing a less than perfect world; facing the horror of yet another war. That was the problem with war; the werewolf ruminated in the dark. He looked around the ward at how each of the children seemed to breath; evenly and deep, showing how calm they were in their deep healing sleep. There would be nights in the future where they would dream and remember in flashbacks the horrors of tonight. Tonight, all the children here in the ward had lost their innocence. Harry had already lost his with the death of Cedric last year in the Triwizard Tournament.

The sadness and the grief that his cub would have, needed to be managed carefully as he had already lost so much in the past. The loss of Sirius could be the thing that broke the child's psyche. Not that Harry had truly been a child since he had first stepped into the magical world as an 11 year old. That first year he not only took down a troll, but then faced the darkness and evil that was Quirrell possessed by Voldemort.

Each year there seemed to be an even darker moment in the life of Harry James Potter. There must be some reason other than the prophecy for Voldemort to be so interested in his cub. He had been there in the first war when it had gotten darker. Marline McKinnon had been the first death where it was really up close and personal. For Remus it had been a school friend, Sirius' girlfriend. For Harry it was someone whom he knew he loved with every cell of his small-framed body; Harry, who was forced to live with his horrible relatives the Dursleys every summer. That alone would be enough for Remus to be looking for a small dose of arsenic. A small sip of poison to get away from all these troubles and to be with all that he loved.

For himself, Remus could choose a small sip of arsenic; or perhaps, if he was feeling very sadomasochistic, he could do it with a sip of liquid silver. Though that would quickly end him, he would experience great pain on his way out the door. If he were lucky he might make it to the same plain as his friends.

Now the infirmary was settled and calm. Now it was time to find that child and provide a set of strong arms to help hold him while the pair of them cried their grief together. Now it was time to find the child and make sure he did not slip even deeper into the dark. No, he had to live for his cub. He had to find something for the cub to live for as his closest family bond had died with his Uncle Padfoot.

Walking in the dark corridors, any students out of bed on his way to the Headmaster's office would have seen the tears that were rolling down the face of the tired werewolf. Tonight he had lost a pack brother, and now he had to make sure the cub did not become crushed by the events. No we have to band together to find a reason to live; even it was to get revenge on those who had caused the deaths. Voldemort had gained another notch in a long list of reasons why he must be defeated. Harry would have no future if we do not destroy him. Harry needed to have a future; it was so unfair that this child would suffer so much thanks to the madman.


End file.
